As high school students, we focus on one thing from the very first day we step into the doors of East Providence High School: graduating. Well, this is the time when it finally starts to feel real for the seniors walking our “hallowed halls”. For many seniors, the next few weeks will be some of the most important weeks of their lives! Yes, you guessed it – seniors will be receiving decision letters from colleges.
Now, seniors, if it is in a big package, get excited! But, if it is in an envelope the size of your birthday card from Grandma, let me save you the trouble; this is what it will say:
Dear East Providence High School student,
Our application committee has browsed your application for admission into our prestigious program. We are very sorry to inform you that our committee has decided to deny your application to our institution.
The University of Brilliant-Students-Who-Only-Study-And-Never-Do-Anything-Else is a very prestigious University, and we know, that while you are a wonderful well-rounded student, we only take students who are serious about their studies and not helping their community, leading their school, or exceeding in any type of sport, that is unless it’s the interscholastic league of photographic memory. It is because your head is not always in a book that you are receiving this denial.
At UBSWOSANDSE, we only take the best of the best. In fact, you must have a perfect GPA, a 2400 on your SAT’s and receive five’s on your twenty AP exams. Just because we waited until April 1st to inform you of your rejection, please do not take that as any indication that we even considered your application for admission. But, we truly enjoyed reading your essay on how your grandfather inspires you every day. There was once an old saying, “It’s not you, it’s me”, except, in this case, it is you. We know you will do wonderful things and make a difference at whatever institution you attend; our application committee just does not want that to be here. Keep your head up though, because you will definitely get in somewhere.
William B. Dreamcrusher
So, the lesson learned today? Only open the big envelopes. Congratulations in advance, seniors. You deserve to attend the best colleges the world has to offer. And to the ones that deny you – well it is their loss that they did not admit such a well-rounded and determined student.